A new priest is about to give his first sermon... and he's really nervous about it, so he goes and asks the older priest if he can help. ""Well I'll tell you what,"" says the older priest, ""I'll switch out the wine for a martini so you can calm your nerves before you start talking."" ""Thanks Father!"" says the new priest. After the mass is over, the new priest walks over to the older priest and asks how he did. ""Well... you did a good job for the most part, except for a few things... -Don't refer to Jesus and his followers as 'The late JC and the boys', -Don't call the virgin Mary 'Mary the Cherry', -The Holy Trinity is not 'Big Daddy, Junior, and The Spook', -There's a taffy-pulling contest and St. Peter's, not a Peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's, -And the drive-through confessional is a good idea, but the sign 'toot and tell or go to hell' has to go.""