Goldilocks and the Three Bears (American Football Fans Will Understand) Mama bear and Papa bear are getting a divorce after the fiasco with Goldilocks, but they must decide custody of baby bear. The judge takes baby bear aside, and asks politely, ""Would you like to live with Papa Bear?"" ""No,"" Baby Bear answers, ""Papa Bear beats me!"" ""Oh no."" the judge replies. ""Then you can live with Mama Bear."" ""No!"" Baby Bear exclaims. ""She beats me too!"" ""Oh dear."" Says the judge. ""Well then,…

Mr. Jones falls asleep in church. Mr. Jones keeps falling asleep in church, and Mrs. Jones is not to happy with this. So one day she makes an appointment with the pastor and sits down with him to discuss it. She says to him, ""pastor I am getting tired of Mr. Jones falling asleep during church there has got to be something we can do about it?"" The pastor thinks and replies ""yes I have an idea leave it up to me I will give you the signal and you take this hat pin and poke him when I give you th…

WANRNING LONG! The Monk Joke. There once was a very successful lawyer in NYC. He had a wife and a kid but his life felt meaningless. After months of making more money than most of us will make in a life time he decides it truly just is not fulfilling. He loads up his Beamer and starts to drive. After some time he finds himself in up state New York surrounded by nature. He continues his drive until he happens upon a monastery. Hoping maybe he could find some peace there he stops and gets out of h…

A man's logic A couple wants a divorce, but first they must decide who will be the main guardian of their child. The jury asks both the man and woman for a reason why they should be the one to keep the child. So the jury asks the woman first. She says, ""Well I carried this child around in my stomach for nine months and I had to go through a painful birth process, this is my child and a part of me."" The jury is impressed and then turns to ask the man the same question. The man replies, ""OK, I …