X-Post from /r/Standup: If I ever got on stage I'd give my version of the Teletubbies... Here's my skit on the Teletubbies. So I hate the Teletubbies. It's one of the most mindless children's shows I've ever seen. I sometimes had to watch it because my ex's nephew loved the show and when we baby sat him that's all he wanted to watch. To me all it is, is a bunch of weird looking giant different colored babies dancing around on an acid trip, with dumb shapes on their heads. How is this informative…

Eaten so many blue cheese stuffed olives today that it feels like France and Greece are waging a war for land in my intestines.

France declared war on al Qaida yesterday. Thank God, for someone needed to teach the terrorists how to surrender.

John Cleese talks about the terror threat levels of nations The English are concerned about the recent increase in terrorist activities, and have therefore raised their security level from ""miffed"" to ""peeved."" If the threats continue to grow, the security levels may be raised to ""irritated"" or even ""a bit cross."" (The English have not seen ""a bit cross"" since the blitz in 1940, when tea supplies nearly ran out.) Terrorists have been recategorized from ""tiresome"" to ""a bloody nuisan…