Halloween puns and bad one-liners Throw em at me! > What do ghosts and monsters drink after scaring people? Ghoul-Aid > What's a ghosts favorite play? Romeo and Ghouliet > Why did Dracula go to the doctor? Because he was coffin

[Meta] I need your Halloween jokes. My Halloween costume is an Undead Stand-up Comedian. I need all your undead, Halloween, zombie, vampire, hell, ghoul, masked killer jokes you have. Currently my best bit is ""How'd I die? Well I was performing a set at an airport longue and it didn't go too well. I bombed so hard the TSA mistook me for ISIS.""

You see that wall? A group of vampire bats are hanging out in a cave. All the food in the area is gone and they are the brink of starving to death. One of the bats decides leave to look for food out of desperation. He comes back 30 minutes later and has blood on his face. The other bats are very curious and ask him repeatedly where he got the blood from. Each time, he tries to ignore them and says he doesn't want to talk about it. After 30 minutes of questioning, he breaks down and tells the ot…

What is Easter? As told to me by a priest when I was little: Three bad Catholics die and go to heaven. Saint Peter says to them "To get into heaven, you must pass a quiz first. What is Easter?" The first Catholic steps up and says, "Easter is the holiday when a big fat man comes down your chimney and hands out presents." Saint Peter says, "No. That's not right. That's Christmas." The second Catholic says, "Of course, that's Christmas. Everyone knows Easter is the day when children put …