The perfect Christmas joke: A man goes to the hospital after his wife has been in a terrible car accident... The doctor approaches the man, ""I have some terrible news. Your wife is paralyzed from the neck down. From here on out, you will need to feed her, clothe her, help her go to the bathroom, maybe even help her breathe... you will need to care for her every minute of the day."" The man is taken aback, ""oh my god, this is terrible!"" The doctor pauses, and with a smirk replies, ""oh I'm jus…

[Meta] I need your Halloween jokes. My Halloween costume is an Undead Stand-up Comedian. I need all your undead, Halloween, zombie, vampire, hell, ghoul, masked killer jokes you have. Currently my best bit is ""How'd I die? Well I was performing a set at an airport longue and it didn't go too well. I bombed so hard the TSA mistook me for ISIS.""

How did one vampire give COVID to the other one? By coffin on him! Happy Halloween :)

NURSE: Doctor, I've lost the cat's pulse VET: Ok. Time of death is 10:05, 10:05, 10:05, 10:05, 10:05, 10:05, 10:05, 10:05, and 10:05