Pearly Gates Pontiff The Pope died and went to heaven, where he was greeted by St. Peter. “Welcome,” St. Peter said, “let me show you around.” St. Peter showed the Pope the streets of gold, choirs of angels, and so many wonderful things. At last, they came to a verdant meadow with a quaint cottage overlooking a lake. “And this is where you will be living,” St. Peter said. The Pope toured the small but well appointed cottage. “Odd,” he thought, “I truly expected a mansion in glory. But, then again, what more do I really need? I’m in paradise after all.” The Pope thanked St. Peter for the tour, and assured him he would be very comfortable in the cottage, as the two walked back outside. As the Pope took in the view, he spied a huge, glorious mansion across the lake. “Oh,” he exclaimed, gesturing with his arm, “that must be where God lives.” “No,” St. Peter replied, “a lawyer lives there.” The Pope was livid. “A lawyer!?! A lawyer!?! I was Christ’s emissary on earth and the head of His church, and I’m in this dump, but you put a lawyer over there?” “Well, you see,” St. Peter replied, “we get a lot of Popes, but that’s our first lawyer.” (edited for paragraph spacing)