Harry wakes up in heaven... Harry did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and falling to sleep. All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a cowl standing in front of his bed. ""What the hell are you doing in my bedroom? And who are you?"" he asked. ""This is not your bedroom,"" the man replied, ""I am St. Peter, and you are in heaven."" ""WHAT? Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die! I'm too young."" said Harry. ""If I'm dead, I want you to send me ba…

Purple People Eater So I'm sitting in class one day when I see a group of kids huddled together a few seats over whispering about something. Now, curiosity has always been wont to get the better of me, and today was no different. With a little bit of discrete eavesdropping, I manage to pick up that they're discussing something called a ""purple people eater."" In an admittedly rash decision, I ask them, ""Hey guys, what's a purple people eater?"" They stiffen up, give me a weird look, and call t…

Elderly Couple Go to Heaven Together They both arrive at the pearly gates together and meet Saint Peter, who says ""Let me show you around"" He pointed to a mansion and said ""That will be your house, located next to the country club."" The old man asks, ""and how much will that cost?"" St Peter replies, ""oh there's no charges, it's free, you're in heaven"". He adds, ""the country club has no fees or costs either"" The old man is really happy by now and asks about food. St Peter says, ""Althoug…

An elderly couple die in a car wreck and appear at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter greets them and invites them in. He takes them to a nearby car lot and tells them to choose a car. The old man says, "I can't afford any of those cars." St. Peter tells him not to worry about it, because it's Heaven and the cars are there for his use...Ferrari, Bentley, Mercedes...any model, any color, just swap them out whenever you feel like it. They get into a Bentley and St. Peter takes them to their new home.…