A man named John dies and goes to heaven. He arrives at the pearly gates and sees Peter. John goes up to Peter and says ""Where's God?"" Peter replies, ""The Lord has some business to do so I'm filling in for him. Do you want to take a tour of heaven?"" John says ""Sure!"" Peter and John go around heaven and see everything there is to see. John sees his childhood pet, his great-grandmother, and even says hi to Abraham Lincoln. In the final part of the tour, Peter takes John into an enormous room…

An old, old joke I heard yesterday Three friends gathered round a campfire were swapping family stories. Rick said,""My granddad once pushed his truck for 3 miles searching for a gas station."" Martin chimed in at that point, ""That's nothing. My grandfather used to be very strong. He once lifted his old Ford while his friends changed two flats, as their jack was broken."" Johnny rolled his eyes at that and said, ""My grandfather once let an 18 wheeler freight-liner run over him. He would have b…

Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when... one of the men asked the other, ""Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?"" ""Outstanding,"" Fred replied. ""They taught us all the latest psychological techiniques-visulization, association-it made a huge difference for me."" ""That's great! What was the name of the clinic?"" Fred went blank He thought and thought, but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, ""What do you call that flower…

A big city lawyer... A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Cowra.He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, ""I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."" The old farmer Peter replied, ""This is my property, and you are not coming over here."" The indignant lawyer sai…