An old multi-billionaire is lying on his deathbed... And he calls his 3 best friends into the room.   ""Now look,"" he says, ""I know I won't be alive much longer, and you know I love my money. I want to prove to my family that you CAN take it with you when you go. So, to keep them from getting their greedy mitts on my money, I'm giving each of you one billion dollars of my money to keep in trust until my funeral, at which time you will place the money in my casket before they close it.…

Tim the Conductor Once upon a time there was a train conductor named Tim. Tim greatly enjoyed conducting his train around every day, and even though he had relatively poor pay, all was well in Tim's world. There was only one issue; Tim was a flat out *awful* conductor. He reduced the overall efficiency of all of the trains nearly every day by screwing up his timing, causing other trains to have to wait on him. Tim's conducting got worse and worse as time went on. One day, Tim decided to try and …

Lawyer joke The local charity realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer.So a volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office. The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, 'Our research shows that even though your annual income is many millions of dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community?. The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, 'First, did your research also show you that my mother is…

Home Depot. long but worth it I went to Home Depot recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'you're definitely going to poop yourself' road-kill chili. Tasty stuff, although hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off.. Here's the thing. I had awakened that morn…