Twitters Jokes

Twitter's "suggestions for you" should include the basics, too, like "get more sleep" and "have you responded to that email from your mom?"

Twitter's still doing that thing where I'm not funny.

When you look at Twitter's trending topics, it's a lot easier to understand why they have to write "Do Not Eat" on silica gel packets.

You should feel pretty honoured if I subtweet you. But the tweet you think is about you, probably isn't. Twitter's hard. Get a helmet.

Twitter's original name was "Sentence Contest"

If the majority of twitter's trending topics are any indication of the state of humanity thus far, we clearly need an asteroid intervention.

'Failed to send tweet,' is Twitter's polite way of saying, 'Dude..'

Twitter's new "local" feature tells me that "goodmorning" and "nowthatsghetto" are trending here in Washington. Wow. This is a game-changer.

I don't think Twitter's real. I think I'm in a mall in 1987 listening to "I Think We're Alone Now" & my mind invented Twitter to protect me.