Twitter's "suggestions for you" should include the basics, too, like "get more sleep" and "have you responded to that email from your mom?"

Twitter's still doing that thing where I'm not funny.

When you look at Twitter's trending topics, it's a lot easier to understand why they have to write "Do Not Eat" on silica gel packets.

You should feel pretty honoured if I subtweet you. But the tweet you think is about you, probably isn't. Twitter's hard. Get a helmet.