The Army Jokes

Two military men walk into a bathroom... One from the Army. One from the Marines. They both go pee, and finish around the same time. But only the Marine goes to the sink to wash his hands. Just before the Army guy left, the Marine stopped him and said: ""Hey, aren't you going to wash your hands? In the Marines, we were taught to wash our hands after pissing."" The Army guy laughed, ""Well, in the Army, we were taught not to piss on ours."" Then, he left. (a favorite joke from my Uncle (Army - MS…

A sailor, an Airman, and a Soldier die and go to Heaven.... They arrive at the pearly gates and begin arguing amongst themselves about who should be allowed in to Heaven and who shouldn't. The Navy man says ""If we didn't give you guys a ride, you would have never gotten anywhere. I should get in."" The Airman says ""If we hadn't carpet bombed the beaches, the soldiers would have been slaughtered. I should get in."" The Army soldier argues ""If we had not stormed the beach, engaged the enemy and…

An Army officer and an air force officer are peeing at urinals next to each other... An Army officer and an air force officer are peeing at urinals next to each other. The air force officer finishes first and goes to wash his hands. The Army officer then finishes and goes to walk out. The Air force officer calls out, ""Hey! In the Air force they teach us to wash our hands after we pee!"" The Army officer stopped, turned round and said ""In the Army they teach us not to piss on ourselves.""

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an American are captured by the enemy army The army is on the move, keeping the prisoners in their forced march. They get to a river, but their raft has a large hole in it. In the war-torn field, there is nothing to fix the boat, so they decide to mend it with the bodies of the prisoners. In a moment of mercy, the army general decides to allow the prisoners to kill themselves with whatever method they choose. An array of weapons is presented. The Englishman takes …

Join The Army, visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.

A tired u.s. army veteran is looking for a seat on a busy British train. He can’t find a seat so he walks up to a British lady and asked “ma’am may I use your seat?”The British lady responded with “can’t you see my puppy is sitting here? How rude are you Americans are.” The army and walks off and tries to find another seat after a couple minutes of searching he walks back up to the lady and says “please, ma’am, may I have your seat. I am very tired.” The woman says “how inconsiderate of you to …