Scots Jokes

An Englishman, a Scot, and an Irishman are all eating lunch together. The Englishman says, ""I hate bologna! If I get bologna one more time, I'm going to kill myself!"" The Scot says, ""I hate ham! If I get ham one more time, I'll kill myself, too!"" The Irishman says, ""I hate peanut butter! If I get peanut butter one more time, I'll do the same thing!"" The next day, each of them gets the same lunch as they did the day before, and killed themselves. At the funeral, their widows started talking…

The Scottsman Well a Scotsman clad in kilt left a bar one evening fair And one could tell by how he walked the he'd drunk more than his share He fumbled 'round until he could no longer keep his feet And he stumbled off in to the grass to sleep beside the street About that time two young and lovely girls just happened by One says to the other, with a twinkle in her eye "See yon sleeping Scotsman, so strong a handsome built? I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt." They cre…

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman are each locked away for a year in solitary confinement. Before they are thrown in, they are each allowed to request a year's supply of whatever he wants to help them through the hard time. The Scotsman asks for whisky, so he gets some and he's locked away. The Irishman asks for a fix of Guinness, so several hundred bottles are thrown in. The Englishman requests a year's supply of cigarettes, so he's given the cartons and he too is locked up. When …