School Jokes

*does 3 or 4 pretty accurate karate kicks in front of a girl* "Ya as I was saying my dad went to middle school with the drummer from Tesla"

A fun thing about having kids is how they ask for help with their homework. On the way to school.

Give me your coconut water and organic gluten-free cookies, unless there's peanuts in them because I'm allergic." - 2015 school bully

The 16yo tells me he's been revising all day. His browser history suggests he's got his YouTube exam in the morning.

How's college supposed to prepare you for the real world? All it does is make you tired and stressed out and anxious and nevermind I get it.

You wouldn't believe all of the Easter eggs I just found lying in the grass outside of this pre-school.

Beer commercials tell us we should drink "responsibly". So I'm starting a college fund for my kids with all the empty cans.

What I said: I forgot my book. What the teacher heard: I hate school, I hate you & I don't want to make something out of my life.

[staff meeting] PRINCIPAL: ok guys, we built a room to hold our P.E. class. what should we name it? [Jim slowly raises his hand]

The year is 2087. Selfies are the new currency now and that annoying girl you went to high school with is the richest person in the world.

A student once told me the Big Bang was a lie, just like evolution. Then he asked me what my sign was. I'm just a prof. I can't fix stupid.

9: How old was I when I was 3? me *grabs hammer* *smashes college fund jar*

Other parents do back-to-school pics of kids holding signs w/ their grade on it & mine are just a series of selfies w/ me & the bus driver.

These notebooks need to move on with their lives. Yeah "College Ruled", get over it. You're in the real world now.

A study shows that 50% of adults would fail an 8th grade math exam The other 40% of us would rock that shit

[during dinner on a date] "I'm currently in university" how long is your degree? "normally a year, but I have dial up, so probably 2"

Being popular on Facebook is like being the smartest kid in summer school.

Student: "May I go to the toilet?" Teacher: "What for?" Student: "To open the Chamber of Secrets"

write pizza as all the answers for homework because pizza is always the answer

I just saved a bundle on future college tuition by finding out my 4 year old wants to be a gum ball when he grows up.

people used to make fun of me in high school but who's making fun of me now?? that's right bud, thousands of strangers on the world wide web

Thank God I wasn't on twitter when I was in college. It would've taken me 65 years to get my degree.

My daughter forgot to bring her lunch to school today. It was delicious.

mad props to my friends from high school who are successfully balancing raising a baby and constantly posting someecards on facebook

I marched in a high school band, caught an armed robber, and sold girl scout cookies. All I was trying to do was find my car.