School Jokes

Girl from my high school posted on Facebook that she got a "constellation prize" at a church carnival yesterday. She skipped school a lot.

Girl on Facebook Heyy i have not seen u since high school. Me. It's been a while. Her. Yea been married 6 years now : ) Me. Unfriend

If your wife is a school crossing guard, you're missing a huge opportunity if you don't tell people she's into human trafficking.

I wasn't good enough for you in high school but suddenly after 5 kids a husband and 3 boyfriends I'm starting to look good eh?

a bunch of people at a school dance waiting to get a drink that's it. that's the punch line

I think High School birth control classes should just be forcing the students to watch videos of me taking my 3 kids to the grocery store

My kids are young, so when they listen to old school music they think its new. They are currently listening to a hot new band called Queen.

(Final maths exam) Q: what are the two small horizontal parallel lines? a) double negative b) equals c) eleven fell over

"what if today's the day you learn about tacos and ostriches? You don't want to miss that, do you?" - me manipulating my kid to school.

[At supermarket] "Excuse me do you work here?" WHAT? ME? Work HERE? Hell no. I went to college. I don't have a job

heres law school: "sustained" is basically "settle down beavis." "overruled" also means "settle down beavis," but to the other guy instead

I only came to this school reunion because one of you've got my Wu Tang tape.

My mother went to college. My mother had a strong career. My mother has traveled the world. My mother talks to the TV as if it's listening.

Hello, oh you don't have a ramp I guess, okay well lets talk in the driveway my name is Professor X and I run a school for monster babies

In high school, I was voted Most Likely To Keep Bringing Up Past Achievements.

"Here kid. I hope you like not getting laid until college because your bedroom is a giant dinosaur now." -extreme home makeover

I said I wouldn't go drinking in public again, but here I am waiting for my kids to get out of school.

Running into someone from high school that got fat is better than Christmas.

How is it when my son has homework,I have to be involved?? Dude,I already did my time.

My son asked me what language they speak in England. This would have been cute if he wasn't 20 ... And in college.

T: Have you done your homework? S: You graded my test? T: No I have other student's stuff to grade S: I have other teacher's homework to do.

Reason number 347 why I hate Facebook: A guy from high school posted 11 new photos all with the caption "me"

I don't mean to brag about my patience, but I just waited 5 whole seconds before passing a student driver and flicking them off.

Going to my daughter's middle school basketball game. In light of recent events, I've asked her to leave the guns at home.

When I hear teenagers talk I wonder why there's not a high school class dedicated to learning the definition of the word "literally"