Minnesota Jokes

Wrong email A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accide…

Vacation It seems there was this couple from Minneapolis, Minnesota, who decided to go to Miami Beach for a few days to thaw out during one particularly cold winter. The airlines have crazy frequent flyer rules, and the wife ended up on a flight the day after her husband. The husband made it down to Florida and arrived at his hotel. Upon getting to his room, he decided to open his laptop and send his wife back in Minneapolis an email. Unfortunately, he didn't notice he had misspelled his wife's …

Sven and Ole go to Hell. Ole and Sven die in a snowmobiling accident, drunker than skunks, and go to Hell. The Devil observes that they are really enjoying themselves. He says to them 'Doesn't the heat and smoke bother you? Ole replies, 'Vell, ya know, ve're from nordern Minnesooota, da land of snow an ice, an ve're yust happy fer a chance ta varm up a little bit, ya know.' The devil decides that these two aren't miserable enough and turns up the heat even more. When he returns to the room of th…

How can you tell a Minnesota hockey fan? Ask him what color the blue line is and wait. It may take him ten minutes to answer.

Minnesota has 4 seasons Almost winter, winter, almost summer, and road construction.

Pentagon Contract A contractor arrives home from Washington, D.C. and proudly tells his wife that he’s gotten the contract to fix a cracked walkway into the Pentagon. “Two other contractors showed up to bid on the job,” he explained to her. “One was from Minnesota, the other from Tennessee. All three of us went to the Pentagon with an official to examine the cracked walkway. “The Minnesota contractor took out a tape measure, did some measuring, then worked some figures with a pencil. “’Well,…

Which state serves the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota.

Norwegian Volunteer Fire Dept One dark night outside a small town in Minnesota, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around. When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $50,000 to the fire dep…

Walking on Water It's the second resurection of Christ. Before the world ends he wants  to take in some fishing. So he gets his friend Moses and they head up  to Minnesota to fish. They are about to rent a canoe when Moses says: "Jesus, can't you still walk on water? Why not just walk out there?" So Jesus takes his reel and tackle and steps onto the lake....and falls  knee deep in water. Moses says, "Well....maybe you need a head start or something, why not  go to the end of the dock and try."…

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.....> The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me." The Tennessee contractor also does some measu…

Minnesota chemical fire One dark night outside a small town in Minnesota, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around. When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $50,000 to the fire depar…

Norwegians in Minnesota One dark night outside a small town in Minnesota, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around. When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All our secret formulas are in the vault in the centre of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $50,000 to the fire department …

What do they call original gangstas in Minnesota? Oh, jeez.

New York is where you find the Big Apple. Minnesota is where the Minneapolis.

Sven and Ole go to hell Ole and Sven die in a snowmobiling accident, drunker than skunks, And go to Hell. The Devil observes that they are really enjoying themselves. He says to them 'Doesn't the heat and smoke bother you?' Ole replies, 'Vell, ya know, ve're from nordern Minnesooota, da land of snow an ice, an ve're yust happy fer a chance ta varm up a little bit, ya know.' The devil decides that these two aren't miserable enough and turns up the heat even more. When he returns to the room …

Little long, but it's funny. Ole is a farmer in Minnesota. He needs a new milk cow, and hears about one for sale over in Nordakota. (That would be North Dakota for you non-Scandahoovians out der.) He drives to Nordakota, finds the farm and looks at the cow. He reaches under to see if she gives milk. When he grabs the tit and pulls, the cow farts. Ole is surprised. He looks at the farmer selling the cow, then reaches under the cow to try again. He grabs another tit, pulls, and the cow farts agai…

One day a man from Minnesota decided to move down to Texas to follow his dream of becoming a train conductor.

Norwegians in Minnesota One dark night outside a small town in Minnesota

Sad news from Minnesota Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 51.

Minnesota chemical fire One dark night outside a small town in Minnesota

Why do all the trees in Wisconsin lean west? Minnesota sucks.

A blonde is walking along the shoreline of a lake in Minnesota looking for seashells when she spots another blonde across the lake from her. Eager for company she shouts loudly "How do I get to the other side?" The other blonde shouts back "You're on the other side!"

What US State has the smallest soft drinks? Mini-Soda (Minnesota) Such a bad joke... :/

Why do New Yorkers like to visit Minnesota? Because that's where the mini apple is!

Who is consistently the best pro sports team to watch in Minnesota? The visitors.