Melbourne Jokes

Him: You were supposed to do something about the groundhog under the deck. Me: I did. I named him Lord Melbourne. He likes Cocoa Puffs.

There is a game show where you have to make up short poems containing a special word within one minute. In the final show there are only two people left: A rabby from New York and a farmer from New Zealand. They get the word ""Timbouktou"". The rabby is first. He starts: ""I was a rabby all my life, I loved my children and my wife, I read the bible through and through and I did it on my way to Timbouktou"". The audience is fascinated. Nobody belives that the farmer could top this. Now he starts:…

I learnt that Mel Gibson was born in Australia Well I guess you could say he was from... -puts on glasses- MELBOURNE

A donkey, a calf and a foal walk into a bar... Its not a joke, it really happened in Melbourne not that long ago

Slow Down Love 5 minutes before landing in Melbourne the pilot says to the passengers ' Good morning everyone, we hope you enjoyed your flight with Qantas. It is currently 14 degrees and cloudy. Have a great day' After the speech the pilot puts the mic down forgetting to mute it. So the other pilot goes on to saying... ' So what are u going to do when we land'? 'Well first im gonna get something to eat, take a shit then im gonna bang the blonde flight attendant at the back. The flight attendant …

What do you call an Extraterrestrial from Melbourne? An Australien.

russian A Russian woman married an Australian gentleman and they lived happily ever after in Melbourne . The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries. One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. Her butcher got the message, and g…

A groaner for you all... A rabbit hops its way into a trendy cafe in Melbourne. It says to the nonplussed waiter, ""I've munched my way from Sydney to here and I'd like something different to eat."" ""What would you like?"" asks the waiter. ""A leaf of fresh lettuce between two pieces of toasted white bread, thanks."" The waiter makes up the meal, sets it down in front of the rabbit, who gorges himself upon it happily. Then, he asks for seconds, ""only this time, make it wholemeal bread,"" he sa…

A Russian woman married an Australian gentleman and they lived happily ever after in Melbourne . The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries. One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. Her butcher got the message, and gave her …

An auditor is checking the books of an airline. He is puzzled by the excess use of fuel on a Melbourne to Canberra flight. He rings up the pilot and asks for an explanation. ""It was late at night'"" says the pilot ""Canberra was covered in fog and I lost my bearings."" ""I'm sorry"" says the auditor ""but you'll have to bear the cost yourself."" ""The cost of what?"" asks the pilot. ""Of the bearings you lost.""

A man in Melbourne walked into the produce section of his local supermarket And asked to buy half a head of cabbage.