Mason Jokes

this is my son Mason. yes like the shitty cheap mass produced jar. i named him that because its a good name for my underwhelming baby boy

Mason jars are the skinny jeans of glasses.

"How's Mason doing?" Ugh, he's going through this emu kid phase. "Don't you mean emo kid?" *boy covered in feathers runs past* I wish.

A man walks into a bar and sees a mason jar full of money on the counter *""You sure get a lot of tips""* he says. ""That's not a tip jar"" says the bartender ""you see, we like to play a little game here. You put five bucks into the jar, you get three tasks, and if you complete them, the entire jar is yours. Wanna play? *""Sure, why not?""* ""Alright, here we go. You see that bottle of vodka on the counter? Drain it in one go. There's an angry doberman in the backyard. His right canine tooth hu…

My Father was a brick layer before he was sent to prison. To this day he still isn't a free mason.

if you receive a mason jar at no cost.... does that make it a freemason jar?

Email exchange of a vendor and a glass jar manufacturer >Dear merchant, >Kindly check attached photos. When the mason jar is empty, the weight is 460g and when fill up with water, weight is 1106g So the capacity of the big mason jar is around 23oz. We only have two size mason jars, so when you mention 24oz, we thought it's one because the capacity is very similar. Pls check with customer whether this the mason jar is ok. Dear factory, I am not sure what you are saying. 24 ounces is a Capac…

The most powerful liquid known to man. Little Johnny is sitting on the side or the road holding a mason jar of liquid up to the sun when a Baptist Preacher comes walking along. ""Little Johnny, what have you got there in that Mason Jar?"" asks the Preacher. ""Oh nothin'. Just the most powerful liquid known to man,"" replies Little Johhny. ""Oh, no Little Johnny,"" the Preacher explains. ""The Most Powerful liquid known to man is Holy Water. If you rub a dab of that on a pregnant woman's belly, s…

Why did the chicken cross the road? To watch the mason lay a brick.

I downloaded the Pinterest app and now my phone is stuck in a mason jar.

There's this guy named Jacob. His favorite color is green. He drives a green car, he has a green house, he lives in Greensboro. One day, he's out driving in the middle of nowhere when he realizes that he's about to run out of gas. He spots a green gas station up ahead and thinks to himself ""That gas station is my favorite color, so I'll go get gas there."" After he fills his car up he sees that it's getting late outside so he looks around for a hotel he can stay at. Sure enough, there's a green…

My friend decided to take up wood working and he heard this joke at his new work place A joiner makes sure that what he makes fits with the rest down to the tenth of a millimeter. A carpenter makes sure it fits down to a millimeter. A mason makes sure it fits down to the centimeter. If the painter makes it to the right address, it's a good thing.

A Canadian man loses his wife. He goes to the stonemason and asks for a tombstone that says "rest in peace." A couple days before the funeral, he comes to check on the stone and sees that it says "Rest in Piece." "Sorry," he says to the mason, "but I meant 'peace', with an 'a'." On the eve of the funeral, the mason shows the widower the corrected version of the stone. "I've done it with the 'a'," he says. Upon the stone is inscribed, "Rest in Piece, Eh?"

Why is it good for a mason to live in constant fear? That way he just shits bricks.

What do you call a constipated mason? A brick-layer.

Why didn't the mason jar need a paternity test? Because the resemblance was uncanny.