Google Jokes

I mistook the Facebook status box for Google search, and now I don't have to go to family functions any more.

I hate when the whole Internet mourns someone's death & I have to Google them to find out if they were a politician, an athlete or a Muppet.

You know, Microsoft, if you had called it Bang instead of Bing, you'd have destroyed Google. Example: I just Banged Catherine Zeta Jones.

I swear I can hear Google sigh every time I start typing in their search bar.

I use Google to check if I have internet connection more than I use Google to Google.

I don't always correct someone's spelling but when I do, I google it first so I don't make an ass of myself.

Happy March 14th to all the MEN out there.... (not sure what it is?? GOOGLE IT)

I wish I could Google search...Who likes me?

Google introduced a new smartphone alarm that can wake users up on the subway so they don't miss their stop. As opposed to the alarm they use now: getting elbowed by the stranger they're drooling on.

A company in India is releasing the first-ever ""smart shoe"" that connects with Google Maps to track your footsteps. ""Merry Christmas,"" said your wife.

Google... qrt(cos(x))*cos(300x)+sqrt(abs(x))-0.7)*(4-x*x)^0.01, sqrt(6-x^2), -sqrt(6-x^2) from -4.5 to 4.5

You know you're desperate for an answer when you look on the second page of Google.

I like when Google answers my stupid questions because it means I'm not the only one asking Google stupid questions.

You don't know something? Google it. You don't know someone? Facebook it. You can't find something? MOM!

What do you call it when Google Glass connects to the internet? Eye-fi.

My internet is so slow, it's just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them shit in person.

Is google a woman? Because it won't let you finish your sentence without coming up with other suggestions.

If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, ""Did you mean Chuck Norris?"" It simply replies, ""Run while you still have the chance.""

Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.

I typed "Missing medieval servant" into Google... But it just came up with "Page not found".

Terminator doesn't google himself he uses Altavista baby.

I made a terrible mistake when I searched for Gary Oldman on Google. I forgot the R

"Hey, wanna play a game?" A blonde and a lawyer find themselves sitting next to each other on airplane. As take-off begins the lawyer already finds himself getting bored, and so he turns to the blonde and says "Hey, wanna play a game?" Slightly interested, the blonde turns back to him and says "What is it?" "Well, the way it works is that if I ask you a question and you don't know the answer to it you pay me 5 dollars. But if you ask me a question and I don't know the answer I'll pay YOU 5 dol…

On long plane trip, a woman is sitting next to a lawyer. She wants to sleep, but the lawyer does not stop talking... *"Let's play a game"* - he suggests. The woman ignores him. *"To make it interesting"* - he continues - *"if I answer incorrectly to your question, I'll pay you $50. If you answer incorrectly to my question, you pay me $5."* The woman agrees, and the lawyer asks the first question. *"What is the distance between Earth and the Moon?"* The woman hands him $5. Now it's her…

I hope this becomes the first thing that shows up on Google for University of Arizona. The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry mid term, and an actual answer turned in by a student. The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well: Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of…