Twitter takes me places I've never been before. Take oncoming traffic for example.

Hey people that twitter says are "similar to me", where do people like us put our car keys?!?!?!

Since twitter, I don't go from home to car to work to car to home I go from charger to charger to charger to charger to charger

My bank has informed me that Twitter followers can not be used as collateral for a car loan. You guys are useless.