Twitter takes me places I've never been before. Take oncoming traffic for example.

I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching my license plate before I ran down all the people I hate

I think I wasted my 15 minutes of fame trying to save money on car insurance.

Guarantees in life: 1) death 2) taxes 3) me pulling the handle of your car door at the same moment you try to unlock it