Her: What are your desires? Me: My desires are..[imagines having a talking Pug named Maurice that I watch Netflix with]...Unconventional.

Travelling salesman walks into a bar in a one horse town... After a few drinks he approaches the bartender... ""Barkeep! I need a woman"". Bartender says ""sorry Mac, the best I can do for you is Singaloo, the cook"". Guy spits back ""I don't go for that shit!"" And sits down again. Few more drinks he goes back to the bartender: ""look, if money is the problem I'll take care of you, her... Whatever - I just need a woman"". Again the tender replies ""sorry, Mac. Best I can do is Singaloo the cook…

More 83 YO dad funnies. Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?' Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.' 'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?' 'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.' An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and w…

Mike Tyson is hosting a spelling bee A contestant approaches the stage and Mike says, ""the word is dictate"" The contestant thinks for a second, clearly pondering the spelling of the word. ""Dictate... Mike, could you please use that in a sentence?"" Mike smoothly replies, ""Well of course. When I was in prison, Maurice told me that my dictate good""