Some people call me space cowboy. Some call me gangster of love. This one guy calls me Maurice. He sucks at giving nicknames.

Her: What are your desires? Me: My desires are..[imagines having a talking Pug named Maurice that I watch Netflix with]...Unconventional.

if someone wakes up from a twenty year coma, i hope the first thing they see when they turn on a TV is mike tyson petting his pigeons.

tattoo joke NSFW A Girl gets two tattoos on her inner thighs: one of Mike Tyson on her right inner thigh and the other is of Evander Holifield on her left inner thigh. She points to them and asks the bartender ""Does this look like Mike Tyson?"" Bartender says ""No."" She then asks ""Does this look like Evander Holifield?"" Bartender says ""Nope sorry."" She's says ""Well I want another opinion."" She sees a drunk guy at the end of the bar. She points to her inner right thigh and asks him ""Does…