My Dad turns 50 this weekend and I'm speaking, need some 50th birthday jokes/one liners/roast (xpost from /askreddit) Some bullet points about my Dad: * Has a BMW trophy car * Loves golf * Loves Steak * Is a Republican (I'm very progressive/liberal) * Balding (but so am I...) * His shoulder and knee have needed surgery * Worked everyday of his life since he was 15 * Raised 3 kids * Has 5 grandkids * Just got into wine and thinks he is a connoisseur * Makes homemade ice-cream that he always pawns…

How did Tiger Woods get the name Tiger? His mom is Thai and his dad is.......

The year is 2027. Voice to text is flawless. A young child points at a bird and says, "Duck". His mother slaps him.

It's like Maury doesn't even care who the real father of my kitten is.