One day a boy... One day a boy walked into his dads room. The dad was holding something. The little boy then asked ""what is that daddy? Well that is my car. Oh ok. So the boy left. After 13 years later the boy is now 18 and his name is jimmy. So jimmy and his friends were on a cruse ship and he had his dads car and he put a wedding ring in the passenger seat of the toy. He was planning to propose to his girlfriend, Rachel. So they went to the front of the ship and where doing the titanic thing …

[kidnapper hands wife phone] "brent" BABY IM COMIN *kidnapper takes back phone but she can hear me yelling* IS THE HAM IN THE FRIDGE EXPIRED

How come when a child shouts "This is dumb" at a wedding it's considered cute, but when I do it, I'm immediately replaced by another priest?

Taught the 5yo to say "totes magotes" to annoy my husband who can't figure out why the kid keeps yelling, "COACH MY GOATS, DAD!" Nailed it.