I'm dreaming of getting rich like my father. Wow your dad must be a rich man. No, he too is dreaming of getting rich.

SON: I need lunch money. DAD: Get a job. SON: I'm in 5th grade- DAD: All I'm hearin' is excuses.

I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus. Then I saw her arguing with him about money. Now I see Santa drinking by himself.

Nothing says "I'm a shitty parent but at least I'm rich" like giving your 2 year old an iPad.