You lied! Santa Claus is NOT real, mom! If "mom" is even your real name... [Neighbor to mom] hi Susan! *kid faints*

I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus. The FedEx guy, and the Walmart greeter. Mom's kind of a slut.

Santa Claus said that he would give me a present this year... ...But he made out with my mom instead!

What's the similarity between Santa Claus and your doorbell ringing at 3am? It's your dad.