Me: This is the year I'm going to save money. Also me: *googles, "how to purchase a baby elephant?"*

[a person with cold hands] DONT YOU DARE TOUCH ME WITH THOSE [a dog with cold paws] POOR BABY COME HERE I WILL GIVE YOU ALL MY BODY HEAT

Racist two-for-one A black organ grinder and his monkey walk into a bar. He goes up the the bartender and asks if he can play his music for tips. The barkeep doesn't see any problem with this so he allows it. He warns the organ grinder, however, that the man sitting in the corner is a staunch racist and absolutely hates black people, so it would be wise to ignore that patron. The organ grinder accepts his warning and goes around the bar playing his instrument while his monkey collects money in a…

the talking dog A young cowboy from Wyoming goes off to college. Half way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money. He calls home. ""Dad,"" he says, ""You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Laramie that will teach our dog, Ol' Blue how to talk!"" ""That's amazing,"" his Dad says. ""How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?"" ""Just send him down here with $1,000"" the young cowboy says. ""I'll get him in the course."" So, h…