You lied! Santa Claus is NOT real, mom! If "mom" is even your real name... [Neighbor to mom] hi Susan! *kid faints*

"We can't put it off any longer Alan, our daughter needs new shoes" CENTIPEDE DAD: [staring out the window] This is gonna bankrupt us Susan

Little Johnny's Teacher Gives the Class a Mother's Day Assignment They were studying the meaning of various phrases. The teacher goes on to explain the meaning of the sentence *""We only have one mother.""* Okay, Little Peter, give me a brief narration that includes the phrase *""we only have one mother.""* Little Peter starts: I was sick in bed with a high fever, and then comes my mom, gives me a glass of warm milk with some aspirin, kisses me in the forehead and I thought *""We only have one m…

The First Jewish President' The year is 2016 and the United States has elected a woman, Susan Goldfarb, as the first Jewish president. She calls up her mother a few weeks after election day and says, 'So, Mom, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?' 'I don't think so. It's a ten hour drive, your father isn't as young as he used to be and my arthritis is acting up again.' 'Don't worry about it Mom, I'll send Air Force One to pick you up and take you home then a limousine will pick you up…