I just want the confidence of my grandpa in church taking a call from the pharmacy on speaker phone to confirm his Viagra prescription.

I once went to a party with 10% battery life on my iPhone ...so you can shut the hell up about how scary D-Day at Normandy was, grandpa.

My grandpa dropped this one on me over the phone. I'll see you in church, make sure you sit by the window.

An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says ""I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."" ""Pop what are you talking about?"" the son screams. ""We can't stand the sight of each other any longer"" the old man says ""We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her"" and he hangs up. Frantic the son calls his sister who explodes on the ph…