I once went to a party with 10% battery life on my phone so you can shut the hell up about your "scary" battle at Normandy, grandpa.

Me:Thank you, he's so hot I don't even know what I want to do first...Grandma: (interrupting) Okay, can someone else say the prayer please?

[ouija board] hi grandma, i hope your in heaven and i love you "..y..o..u..'r..e.."

Sometimes I miss my grandfather, but I know he's up in heaven groping angel titties and saying some next level racist shit.