If Twitter has taught me anything it's that the best career choice is divorce lawyer.

I wish Kristen from finance would tell us her husband was an "attorney" one more time so I could feel better about shitting in her purse.

Why would anyone come on Twitter JUST to argue? Don't you have an ex, or a spouse, or a family member that you can argue with?

I wish you'd told me you were happy just flirting on twitter. I've already bought plane tickets and murdered my wife.