"Welcome to another meeting of Horse Club. Let's try to actually get something done today. All in favor?" Crowd: "NEIGH!" "Jesus Christ."

Jesus Christ! I forgot to buy dog food last night and now my dogs are playing a Sarah McLachlan album and googling humane society.

Jesus and Moses are playing golf. After teeing off, Jesus asks Moses which club he should use to clear the water hazard and Moses says, ""Use your 4 iron"". Jesus says, ""No, Tiger Woods would use a 6 iron"". His shots goes into the water. Jesus walks out onto the water to find his ball and is seen by another golfer who says to Moses, ""Look at that guy. Who does he think he is, Jesus Christ?"" Moses says, ""He is Jesus Christ, he THINKS he's Tiger Woods.""

A lizard was walking through the jungle... ...and he comes across a monkey sitting in a tree, smoking a joint. The lizard, being curious, asks the monkey what he was smoking. The monkey replies that he's smoking weed and the Lizard asks if he could try some as he's never had it before. The monkey allows it. After a few tokes, the Lizard becomes really thirsty with cotton mouth and asks for some water. The monkey directs him to a small lake, down the path and take a right by a bush that looks lik…