Mitt Romney has decided not to run for president. In other news, I have decided not to become a billionaire or play in the NBA.

I misread a headline today as "the stealthy face a tax increase" and thought good luck catching those ninjas, Obama!

Obamacare? More like "Obama? I don't care for that guy!!!" Honk if you want poor people to die

If Mitt Romney was president, we'd blame everything on him. "Damn why is it so cold outside? It wasn't this cold when Obama was president."