Missing some parts (not for the easily offended) A couple are in a hospital waiting to see their newly born child for the first time, when the doctor comes in and says; ""I'm afraid I've got some bad news."" The couple look shocked. ""Your baby seems to be missing some parts; follow me."" The couple follow the doctor down the hall into a room of newly born babies. First, they approach a baby with no arms. The wife screams, ""Oh God! Is this my baby?"" The doctor says, ""no, keep following"". Nex…

Mrs. Smith is having trouble with her husband falling asleep in church... ... and it was really embarrassing for her to be seen with him constantly nodding off. So Mrs. Smith asks the preacher before Sunday service if he has any ideas for her. He thinks about it, then hands her a pin and says, ""Every time I signal you with this gesture, poke your husband with this pin."" Mrs. Smith acknowledged his instructions and sat down with her husband for the service. Shortly into the sermon, Mr. Smith ha…

The Surrogate The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.' Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...' 'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been ex…

CHIVALRY The divorce proceedings had been long, contentious and extremely heated. Finally, the husband's attorney rose for one last try at a no-alimony settlement. ""Your Honor,"" he said, ""my client sincerely believes his wife is being ridiculous. Why, most women would love to have a husband who still believes in chivalry--on the day in question, he was only opening the door for her out of chivalry."" ""Counselor,"" replied the judge, ""I am granting the divorce and the settlement Mrs. Smith i…