I believe in God and have a sense of humor about it. But when you insist that makes me an idiot, you sound as tolerant as Mel Gibson.

On a scale of 1 to Charlie Sheen, I'm at Mel Gibson drunk right now.

Mel Gibson, Randy Quaid and Charlie Sheen walk into a bar. I don't know what the punchline is, but I'm pretty sure the cops are showing up.

Helen Hunt but only when Helen hungry.