If I drank as little alcohol as I tell my doctor I'd weigh as little as I tell the people at the DMV when I renew my driver's license.

Washing cars One day, little Jimmy was walking home from school when something catches his eye. Peering into a shop window he saw a brand new red bicycle. ""Wow,"" he thought to himself, ""that sure is a great looking bike but neither my parents or I can afford it!"". Jimmy stares at it in admiration for a few minutes before carrying on his journey home. Over dinner, he mentions this bicycle to his parents and how he desires to one day buy it for himself. His parents being the type to teach thei…

a father pulls up with his son on his first day of school he was a single father that adored his son very much. the father owned an up and coming import/export business and therefore did not have a lot of money. looking over to his son he could see the tears in his eyes from the fear of a different environment and the fact that he would have to be apart from his father for so many hours. ""tell you what son"", the father says ""if at the end of this school year, if you get an A ill buy you a lit…

A True Story During high school, a few friends of mine worked at a restaurant for a retirement center. There were four of us driving in a car and my friend was telling the others who also worked there, ""Ilene and Peggy got hella mad at each other today."" Even though I didn't work there I stopped him saying, ""Wait, Ilene and Peggy?"" He looked at me and I simply asked, ""Were they fighting over a fake leg?""