Watching my mom use an iPhone is like watching a 12 year old girl try and contact her dead grandma on a Ouija board.

SON: Mom, Grandma is so annoying, I wish she will just die. MOTHER: Idiot, it's your mother that will die, not mine.

If you call & I don't answer, I'm not dead, I'm napping. - Things I have to say to my mom

If my dad were alive today he would say, "Mark stop telling people I'm dead"