Windows frozen Early one winter morning, as James entered his office block, he checked his phone and saw he had a text message from his wife. Windows frozen. Not sure what to do. He lets out a sigh that yet again, his wife was beautiful but with very little brains. James then texts back to pour some luke warm water over it slowly. He receives a further text from his wife. Computer really buggered now...

My neighbor is a real douche & always cheating on his wife, so I changed my wifi to KARL IS CHEATING ON YOU AMY for when she needs my wifi.

*getting married Priest: will you love & honor her? Me: I will Her: [whispers to priest] Priest: and leave your phone unlocked? Me: I'm out

[kidnapper hands wife phone] "brent" BABY IM COMIN *kidnapper takes back phone but she can hear me yelling* IS THE HAM IN THE FRIDGE EXPIRED