A man dies, and goes to heaven When he arrives, God and his family come to greet him. 'Jerry' God says, 'you have been good all your life, but there is one sin you have committed - you have killed a deer, and had it stuffed. But before you did that, you and your family had the nerve to do indecent things to it before it's death. You Jerry, have cut off its legs before it died. Therefore, you must lose your legs if you wish to enter.' Jerry was quite reluctant, but did not want to be denied to en…

drill sergeant There once was a private in the army who was in the middle of a training drill for stealth and disguise. He was all painted like a tree and blended in perfectly. The drill sergeant was walking through the forest trying to find this private, when all of a sudden the private flinched. The drill sergeant screamed at him and told him he did a terrible job. Then the private said ""Well, with all due respect, I didn't flinch when the dog peed on my leg, or when the birds took a shit in …

Contact reception, you better know English... Russian tourists. The couple arrived at the resort. They move into the room. Wife sees the mouse and starts yelling, ""Ah-ah-ah-ah! Mouse! Contact reception, you better know English, and I - full zero."" Husband calls (in English): - Hllo. - Hllo. - Do you know ""Tom and Jerry""? - Yes, I do. - So... Jerry is here.

I just put a cat & a mouse in a cage and I must say, this is nothing like Tom & Jerry.