Double Whammy So about a year and a half ago, I started dating a girl who loved to hear me play guitar. Her name was Alice, and probably her favorite song I played was Barracuda, and she was really into 80s music and culture. I really liked this girl and wanted to get serious, so I decided I wanted to get her something special for Christmas. I don't own any music on vinyl, except I did have the album Bad Animals by Heart (who wrote Barracuda), so I decided to give it to her. Cue Christmas day, w…

A man goes to his girlfriend's parents house for Thanksgiving. Hes really nervous. This is his first time meeting her family and he's not sure what to expect. In fact, he's so nervous that it's giving him gas. Now, sitting there watching tv in the family room isn't bad because the the football game is on and it's kind of loud and of course their big old dog Harold is licking his balls and Everyone can hear that. It's not bad, because he can sit there and fart into the couch. No one hears a thing…

What did Santa say when he saw your mom, sister, and girlfriend all together in the same room? MERRY CHRISTMAS!

A young couple is having their first christmas together and they're cooking a turkey. Just before they put the turkey in the oven the guy cuts an inch and a half off each end. His girlfriend asks ""Why did you do that?"" ""That's how my mom does it."" ""Why does she do it?"" ""I don't know."" So they phone his mom and she says ""That's how *my* mom did it."" So they phone the grandma and she says ""I had a small oven.""