WIFE: there's a bear outside our tent ME: so W: so scare him off M: *unzips door* Donald Trump might become president *bear jumps into fire*

I'm 97% sure President Reagan would be riding a horse through the Middle East right now punching terrorists in the face.

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana, and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: Talking Dog For Sale. He rings the bell, and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there. ""You talk?"" he asks. ... ""Yep,"" the Lab replies. After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says ""So, what's your story?"" The Lab looks up and says, ""Well, I disc…

A Fisherman, Politician, Husband, and a wife all get stranded on a island inhabited by cannibals The cannibals capture them and tell them that they used eat and live off fish but after doing it so long they got sick of it and now hate fish. The cannibals tell them that if they have something good to offer they will let them borrow a boat and leave, and if they don't they will be eaten. The next day the the cannibals take the politician inside their hut and after a few hours they come out of the …