Two converts set off to go join ISIS... Hasan and Hussein set off to go join ISIS. Hasan flew to Istanbul first class, but Hussein was on the no fly list and had to stow away on an empty oil tanker. But Hasan gifted Hussein a heavy backpack of food and cigarettes to make the trip more bearable. But when they got to Syria, the ISIS folks found those cigarettes in the backpack and brought them both to a high tower in Raqqa. The judge said, ""Hussein, you're pardoned. But Hasan, we throw you off th…

I'm so horrified right now. I'm on the treadmill reading about the bombings in Syria. And my T-shirt's on backwards!

Obama keeps trying to get me to kiss this top secret document from Syria but I keep telling him I'm not the kinda guy who'll kiss intel

How to break bad news like a boss At dawn the telephone rings, ""Hello, Senor Kent? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house."" ""Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"" ""Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Kent, that your parrot, he is dead"". ""My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"" ""Si, Senor, that's the one."" ""Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?"" ""From eating the rotten mea…