[closes kitchen drawer gently and looks at son] I wasn't here *wife walks in with police officer* "did you take a knife to a job interview"

Wife is tired of doing everything, husband says it'll be okay. **Husband:** ""Babe, did you say you were making dinner? or what? I can't remember"" **Wife:** *Sighs* ""I just wish you'd take some initiative and cook your own dinner for once...I've been at work too you know. So, what, now I come home and get to cook dinner, pack the dishwasher and then unpack the dishwasher, wash all the clothes...and you know what, I just can't continue to live like this! "" **Husband:** ""Hey, hey hey, relax. I…

Wife's photo A man is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock at the front door. He opens it to find two sheriff's deputies there. He asks if there is a problem. One of the deputies asks if he is married. The man replies, ""Yes, I am."" The deputy then asks if he could see a picture of the man's wife. The guy says, ""Sure..."" and gets a photo to show them. The deputy says, ""I'm sorry, sir. But it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."" The guy replies, ""I know, but she has a great p…

A police officer called his station on the radio. ""I have an interesting case here. An elderly woman shot her husband for stepping on the kitchen floor she just mopped."" Dispatch replied, ""have you arrested the woman yet?"" The officer responded, ""Not yet. The floor is still wet.""