You would be amazed how cheap lawn mowers are at Home Depot when you own a pickup truck and a orange apron.

My fake mustache fell off in Home Depot and now they won't let me touch any of the power tools.

"Keep pumping until something happens." -Home Depot guy teaching me to prime the snow blower says the first thing I've understood.

If I can't stand on a counter top display at Home Depot and shit in the sink then we are truly living in a fascist society.