[arcade] KID: dad, some guy is hogging the claw machine DAD: hey buddy, why don't you give the kid a turn LOBSTER: BACK OFF WE'RE IN LOVE

Being an election year, I thought this one was timely A guy meets and old buddy of his at a store that he hadn't seen in about fifteen years. He noticed that his friend had a ten year old son. The guy says to the kid, ""What do you want to be when you grow up, young man?"" ""I want to be President of the United States!"", the kid proudly says, ""I'm a Democrat, just like my dad!"" The guy says, ""That's pretty ambitious, young man. It take a lot of work to be President. To teach you the value of…

A man phones home from his business trip... His 9yo son answers and says hey. ""Hey buddy, it's dad! Wheres youre mom?"" ""I will check"", replies the son as he walks to his parents' bedroom and sees his mom in bed with uncle Jim. ""She is playing in bed with uncle Jim"" ""What?! Uncle Jim?! Tell them I will be right over!"" the man fumes. ""Mom, dad says he'll be right over"", says the kid. His mom starts panicking and shouting, uncle Jim jumps quickly from the window and falls in the empty poo…

Learned this when I was eight, still one of my favorites. A blonde a brunette and a redhead are walking along a fence on a beautiful sunny day. They are walking through some tall grass when the redhead finds a baseball sized rock. ""what should I do with this rock?"" the redhead asks the other two. ""Throw it over the fence"" they both reply. So she throws it over the fence. They continue to walk through the tall grass when suddenly a little boy appears. He is sitting on a log and crying his eye…