America is still a British colony In England we speak English In France we speak French In Germany we speak German In China we speak Chinese In America we speak English *drops mic and leaves*

Coach of England calls the German coach Germany has not been defeated in two year. So the English coach calls the German coach and asks ""hey, how do you guys manage to win every game?, What is your secret tactic?"" The German coach says ""Oh it is simple, after every training I let my players play against cones, they usually win 40 to 0, it gives them great morale for the next game, you must absolutely try it"" The England coach thinks this might be very inspiring to his boys especially since t…

A man arrives at the pearly gates of heaven St. Peter asks him if he's done any good. The man says no. So St. Peter asks the man to give an account of his bravery. The man says, "I was refereeing a match in London between England and Germany. The score was 0-0 and there was only one more minute of play when I awarded a penalty against England." "Yes," responds St. Peter, "That was a real act of bravery. Can you tell me when this took place?" "Certainly," the man replies. "About three minutes…

The England national soccer team were meeting ahead of a game in Germany. David Beckham asked the coach: "Where is Michael Owen?" The coach replied: "He's gone to get a tetanus injection." "Oh," said David. "I might just get a new car myself while I'm here." If you asked David Beckham to recite the alphabet backwards, he'd turn around and recite the alphabet. Frankie Boyle