*outside my house* - Don't let them know you have Clifford - Hey you must really like red your whole first floor is red, and barks? - Damn

"The princess dies. And then the people trying to save her die. Dragon guarding the castle? Dead" - Bedtime at George R.R. Martin's house

Ruth! (not sure if repost) A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent scout. ""This dog can speak English,"" he claims to the unimpressed agent. ""Okay, Sport,"" the guys says to the dog, ""what's on the top of a house?"" ""Roof!"" the dog replies. ""Oh, come on..."" the talent agent responds. ""All dogs go roof'."" ""No, wait,"" the guy says. He asks the dog ""what does sandpaper feel like?"" ""Rough!"" the dog answers. The talent agent gives a condescending blank stare. He is losing his…

9 months later 9 Months Later Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night. 'I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in …