A man is plotting to kill his wife He hears about a hitman named Artie who will kill people for cheap. He decides to call this hitman and explain the situation. ""My wife is cheating on me and I want her dead. Kill her boyfriend if he's there too."" They meet up for the pay. Artie says ""Alright, I will do 1 dollar a person, so 2 dollars."" ""Whoa whoa, hold up a moment!"" The man says. ""What if her boyfriend isn't there?"" Artie thinks or a minute and says ""Alright, pay 1 dollar right now. If…

Billy and his brother Mack are out hunting... ...as they are out in the woods looking for game to shoot, Mack has a moment and clutches his chest. He is obviously having some sort of cardiac arrest and he falls down. Billy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. The operator answers and says ""what's your emergency?"" Billy is freaking out. He says ""It's my brother. He's fallen down and he's unresponsive. I think he's dead."" ""Okay, calm down"" says the operator. ""First, let's make sure he is…

A man gets a call from police.... The officer on the other end of the phone says, ""We believe your brother was in a terrible accident and has died. We need you to come in and identify the body."" The man hangs up the phone, and immediately makes his way to the morgue. Upon entering, one of the morticians greets him, and begins to explain the circumstances of his death. ""He was cleaning some industrial fans that were supposed to be turned off. It turns out they were on, and the fan started up s…

This was my grandma's favorite joke A man lives alone in his apartment. He never married, doesn't stay in touch with his family, and generally keeps to himself. One day while at home watching TV, his phone rings and he answers it. A deep, slow voice says to him ""the viper is coming..."", and then hangs up before the man has any chance to respond. He thinks it was pretty strange, but he figures it must just be some kids playing a bad prank or something. Half an hour later, his phone rings again.…