A priest, a rabbi and a leprechaun walk into a bar... ... but they are unaware of their surroundings so to derive humour from it would be exploitative Bill Bailey.

Prince Charles was reversing his Land Rover out of the garage when he ran over the Queen's favourite corgi. He quickly got out but it was too late: the corgi was dead, squashed to a pulp. Just then a genie popped up and said: "Your highness, I can give you one wish. What would you like?" The Prince said: "This is Mummy's favourite dog. Can you bring it back to life?" The genie examined the corgi. "I'm sorry," he said, "but this dog can't be saved. He's way beyond repair. This dog is very, very d…

Did you hear about the guy who auditioned with a jazz band as a trumpeter? He blew it. Without the beat in the background, jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard. Bill Bailey

The Queen was on a visit to a mental hospital. She talked to a male patient tending the hospital flowerbeds and asked him why he was there. In a calm and orderly manner, he told her his life story, adding that he had been in the institution for more than twenty years. The Queen was greatly impressed by his manner and hinted that she might be able to secure his release as he seemed completely cured and ready to resume his place in society. The man was extremely grateful and returned to his garden…